


You just suck at self-preservation

by Threadbear



Series: So it is [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Infidelity, M/M, Post-Hogwarts, Post-War, Pregnancy Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:07:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24367048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Threadbear/pseuds/Threadbear
Summary: “I do know you.” Harry said. “I know you want to fuck me.”Harry can't help but continue to play with fire.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Series: So it is [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759291
Comments: 16
Kudos: 95





	You just suck at self-preservation

**Author's Note:**

> Theme song for this one is American Dream by LCD Soundsystem, and from where I cleverly pulled the fic's title, because titles are hard.

He had seen him up at the shops and they had had an awkward exchange wherein Harry asked how he was doing and Snape just arched an eyebrow mockingly.

Dick head, Harry had thought then he had gone home and thought about Snape pulling him in to a darkened alleyway and making him suck him with strong fingers on the back of his head and he had made himself come while Ginny was out having lunch with her mum. In the six months since the wedding Harry had managed to convince himself that he had got him out of his head and this new development was unwelcome.

He wasn’t going to go see him though. He wasn’t going to take the afternoon off work and apparate to the quiet end of his street like he used to and tell himself he was there to check in on him, that they were friends and he’d popped in for a cuppa while they stared sidelong daggers at each other and pretended that they weren’t both thinking the same thing.

He didn’t do that anymore.

What would he even say to him anyway.

* * *

He ended up not saying much at all and Snape had fucked him on his musty old couch while the grey fading light of the afternoon bled through the windows and highlighted Snape’s thin, white torso in unflattering ways making it seem sordid and far too real. It wasn’t good but Harry came anyway.

He’d had better sex with Ginny, not that that was a surprise, but for weeks after he thought of Snape’s scarred, wiry body and his pale, ropey arms and the small desperate noises he had made before he came inside him. Snape had told him not to come back again, told him he wouldn’t let him in next time and Harry replayed it in his head over and over. Did it mean he didn’t want him anymore? Did he ever?

“You haven’t been seeing Snape anymore.” Ginny observed.

“Huh?” He said with his heart in his throat.

“Snape. Remember him? You forced him to become your friend, you had those cute little tea dates together. You’ve stopped those.”

“Oh right.” He said. “We’ve just been busy.”

“I thought you said he wasn’t working.”

“Well me, I’ve been busy. It’s no big deal.” He said. “We’ll catch up soon.”

Ginny raised her eyebrow and went back to her coffee. “He might be missing the company.” She had remarked to no one at all. “I think you’re all he has.”

* * *

Shortly after Harry cornered Snape in an empty drawing room at Neville and Luna’s.

“Am I all you have?” He said.

It was Luna’s birthday and though Harry had ever so subtly suggested that he be invited he was sure Luna would have done it anyway. He was actually surprised he even turned up, Luna must have put some work in.

“Hello Potter.” He said in a bored drawl.

“Am I?”

Snape just looked at him with an unreadable expression.

“Why have you been keeping me away then?”

“Potter surely not even you are stupid enough to need me to answer that.”

“You thought I was halfway sentient enough to fuck me twice.”

“Would you keep your voice down?”

“Oh there’s no one in here.”

“Leave me Potter.”

“Do you miss me?”

“No. I don’t even like you.”

“Stop that. I don’t want to do that anymore. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Snape closed his eyes. Harry thought that he was close to breaking him so he kept going.

“I’ve been masturbating to you.”

“For fuck sake.” Snape looked skyward as if he were praying.

“I’ve been so good.” Harry said. “For months.”

Snape’s eyes raked over him. Harry wondered what he saw when he looked at him. “Yes you have.” He said finally.

Harry didn’t miss the husky dropped register of his voice. “Can I see you?” He said.

“Is anyone in here?” The sound of Hermione’s voice made them both straighten and plaster neutral looks on their faces. “Oh there you two are, we’re cutting the cake.” She said.

Harry looked at him searchingly before they headed in. Snape made a barely there nod of his head, just once.

* * *

“You’re so _good_.” Snape said to him and somehow when he said it it sounded like an insult.

“And you’re not.” Harry said. He had taken the first chance he had to see him again. It was getting easier to quiet the guilty voice in his head. That worried him a bit.

“That’s right.” He replied. Harry didn’t argue because he knew that Snape didn’t like to be told any different. Even though Harry thought he was a good man. You could pry that idea from his cold dead heart.

Harry sat on his lap because he was sick of not doing it. His knees dug into the sofa uncomfortably.

“Potter.” Snape growled at him.

“Make love to me.”

“No.” But he already sort of was. He was hard and his dick was pushing into the crease of Harry’s arse, and he was mouthing gently at the base of Harry’s neck.

“I’m not being very good right now.” Harry said.

“No I know. And that’s because of me.” He said, like that proved his entire point.

“Hardly.”

“I can be very tricky.”

“Yes I know. I know that about you.”

“You think you know me don’t you boy.” Snape said in a voice that made Harry shiver.

“I do know you.” Harry said. “I know you want to fuck me.”

“How on earth did you figure that one out.” He drawled. “God Harry you make me hard.” He said in exactly the same breath in an entirely different voice. He didn’t make it sound like a good thing.

Harry smirked. Snape unbuckled his trousers and pushed them down.

“Prepare yourself then, then sit on me.” He said with a resigned sigh. Only Snape could make something he desperately wanted sound like a chore. At least Harry thought he desperately wanted it. Perhaps he was just bored.

Harry sat down on him in one go and Snape’s eyes rolled into the back of his head. _Jesus_ , he said.

“Does that feel good?” Snape asked him.

“Uh huh yeah.”

“Does it?”

Harry looked at him, it was fine, what was the problem?

“Slow down a bit.” Snape said. “That’s it. Tease yourself on me.” He grabbed at base of his dick and held it steady. “Feel good?”

Harry steadied himself on Snape’s chest. He nodded several times and kissed Snape messily. Snape made a rumbling laugh deep in his chest.

Snape took his shirt off him and he did he same for Snape and it’s not weird or anything even though Harry had thought it might be. He liked the dark black hairs on Snape’s chest, it was the chest of a man, it made Harry feel grown up, even though of course he was 22, a man now too, or supposed to be.

“Fuck you’re sexy.” Snape growled at him. “Look at you.”

“Am I?” He’d never been called sexy before, girls usually said cute if anything.

“Mm. Tell me what you think about when you touch yourself.”

Harry told the truth, he’d already admitted it anyway. “You making me suck you, you fucking me, just like this, your hands and your voice and your body. You when we were at school, punishing me, fucking me over your desk and I’m scared but your dick inside me feels so... oh fuck I wish you would have done that.”

Snape’s hands were gripping Harry’s thighs, he mumbled into Harry’s neck, “You hated me. I was your enemy.”

“You weren’t really. You would never have hurt me. I wanted it. I would have let you fuck me if you wanted to. When we had our lessons, you could have had me then. You could have fucked me with your big cock just like you’re doing now.”

“You’re playing with fire, boy. You know what kind of man I am and still you... tempt me like this. If you’re not careful I might bugger you so hard you won’t be able to walk.”

For the first time Harry wondered if Snape is too much for him, too old for him. “Ok just try not to come in me.” He said even though he’d spent himself in Harry twice now and he may as well again.

Snape didn’t even ask why, just breathed through flared nostrils and said, “Yeah ok I’ll try not to. Turn around ok?”

Harry did, his back against Snape’s chest and his head on his shoulder and soon he was squirming on his lap with Snape’s fist running up and down his cock. If anyone was to see he couldn’t imagine they looked particularly good like this, rutting madly against each other, but _ohh Jesus,_ he’s never felt this, not in all of his 22 years has it ever been like this. Snape was mouthing wetly around his ear and Harry turned his head so they could put their mouths on each other. It’s not even real kissing just wet meeting of mouths and the entire bottom of Harry’s face from his lips to his chin was wet with Snape’s saliva.

“Don’t come in me ok?” He gasped into his mouth, almost moaned, he’s not real sure what he was playing at. Snape’s cock was thick and hard inside him.

“Ok I won’t.”

“I mean it. Fuck I’m gonna come. Don’t come in me, I don’t want you to get me pregnant.”

“I won’t. Fuck yes come, I want to see you. Harry God you feel good, oh _fuck,_ stop moving, _shit_.” Then Snape came inside him, crying out, and Harry was coming too, spurting all over Snape’s fist saying _fuck fuck give it, put it inside me, gonna have your baby_. Later he is embarrassed for what he said but right then Snape was holding him tight to his heaving chest and panting in his ear and he felt about as close to him as he had to anyone ever.

After Snape said, Sorry about that. You don’t really care if I come in you do you? And Harry shrugged, maybe he did, maybe it felt too intimate and they weren’t supposed to be doing this.

Snape rolled his eyes at him and told him to go back to his wife and Harry did and for the rest of the week he didn’t know how to feel about the hot and cold way Snape treated him.

After that Harry learnt what it was like to have a man’s cock in his mouth, thick and choking him. He learnt what it felt like for his fingers to card through coarse black hair where before there’d only been smooth curves, what it felt like for his mouth to be rubbed red raw by stubbly beards and he learnt how to heal it so his wife never saw. He learnt what his legs felt like wrapped around a man’s waist as he fucked him deep and hard, taking his whole weight as he clung on.

He learnt of the bottles of pills lined up in Snape’s bathroom cabinet, not prescribed by any wizard, and the tracks of bone white scars on his arms and under his shirt, and he learnt that he definitely wasn’t up to having a lover like Snape by half, he was just 22 and Snape was in his forties and there was a difference and Snape was hard and sharp and distant and often cruel. He learnt that he would love him anyway.

Harry never thought about what that said about him, just kept a dark little corner of his world for him, a part he didn’t talk about, seperate from his perfect seeming daily life and he got good at separating it, he got so good at it. Just wiped his eyes and scrubbed his face and didn’t think about how he had looked when he had left, scowling and shirtless and beautiful, with a cigarette playing between his long fingers.

It had started off innocently enough hadn’t it? Sweet and chaste, just looks shot across tables, hands brushing and lingering just a fraction too long. It was hard to believe they were ever like that.

“Why do you stay in this house Sev.” He asked him, Harry didn’t know much but he had pieced a bit together, he knew about his father, knew he had grown up in this house loveless and alone and frightened. Harry knew something about all that and if he still had to live in the house on Privet Drive he would have gone mad.

“And where else would I go?”

“Anywhere.”

Snape looked at him and blinked a few times. Harry knew that look well, he knew what was coming.

“Potter if you did indeed want me this is all you would get.” He said. “A sad middle-aged man in a crap house. I can’t give you a life or a home and certainly none of the fucking children you’re so desperate for. You can’t fix me boy, don’t even try. Go on though Potter, tell me again how much you want to be with me. Maybe it’ll make us both feel better about this depravity.”

“I would have you however you came. You know I would.” His voice was shaking and he hoped Snape didn’t hear it. “It’s not that simple though is it.”

“No it’s not.”

“I’ll keep taking the few scraps you throw me and be thankful then.”

Snape scoffed.

“Go on then.” Harry said. “Go on you fucking coward. Tell me you love me. Go on say it.”

“Why on earth would I love you.” Snape snapped at him. “I loved your mother. I feel nothing for you in comparison.”

“Fucking liar.” Harry said.

They don’t see each other again for awhile after that.

 _Ginny’s pregnant_ Harry would say to him the next time he saw him.


End file.
